Our impression of someone is not always right. Sometimes we make judgments about people before we really get a chance to know them. Sometimes we might even change our perception of someone based on either a really good or really bad experience either directly or indirectly.

The other day I offered to make an introduction between two people, I’ll call them Bob and Sally. Sally discounted the possibility of a quality business relationship with Bob. Sally gave me a list of reasons of why Bob wouldn’t be a valuable referral for her without knowing anything about Bob or his business. Bob happens to be the type of professional that Sally targets for strategic business relationships. I shared with Bob that I was going to introduce him to Sally and how she discounted him without knowing anything about him or his client base. Bob laughed and stated that he could send her more business than she would probably ever send him. Sally made a huge networking mistake.

From my point of view, it never hurts to have a cup of coffee or a short phone conversation to see if there is synergy between two businesses. You might find that the person/business is not a good fit, but at least you took the time to find out. Or you could determine the two businesses are perfectly aligned to create a strategic relationship. Sometimes it is not a matter of who you know, but who knows you. In Sally’s case, Bob doesn’t know her and therefore will never send her any business. Too bad for Sally. Don’t be a Sally.

This book is a MUST read. I am not saying this because I know the man who wrote it. It is full of great advice, stories and exercises. Yes, exercises. If you have any type of conflict in your life, business or personal, you need to get a copy of this book.

As Larry mentions at the very beginning of the book you need to read it with an open mind. If you are going to resolve any conflicts you are currently experiencing, you will need to be flexible and willing to change. Otherwise, you’ll continue to remain in conflict with the person you are trying to get along with.

Chapter 2 is titled “Give Up Your Need to be Right, Not Your Needs.” When I was a teenager, still in high school and soon to graduate I decided that I was going to stop fighting with my Step-dad, who I call Dad. We would argue about anything and everything. We both needed to be right. Not knowing how to resolve this conflict, I just decided to give up the need to be right. Whenever I noticed my Dad and I getting into a debate I would stop arguing. I didn’t tell him I thought he was right, but I didn’t tell him I thought he was wrong. Our relationship started to change. We didn’t fight anymore and our relationship is very positive now. I wanted to get along with my Dad, not fight with him. My need was about getting along, not about being right.

I have used a similar approach in other relationships and it works. As do the many other concepts in Larry’s book. Check it out for yourself, visit Larry Barkan’s website.

This got me thinking. How often do managers or business owners or coaches or parents admit they are wrong or made a mistake? What is the risk of admitting fault as compared to not doing so? While it most likely will depend on the situation and the people involved, it is generally a good rule to at least acknowledge the truth.

I have found that honesty is the best policy. When I first started teaching I was hesitant to admit I had made a mistake for fear that my students would think I didn’t know the material or question my fairness in grading. However, I found students are very forgiving when you admit you made a mistake, most of the time. They tend to trust and respect me more for admitting my error(s). I find this to be true with clients too.

I haven’t always been quick to admit fault. But it is so freeing to do so. In the workplace it improves your relationship with your staff. Consider two options. The first is to pretend like you didn’t make the mistake and place blame on someone else, probably your staff. When you do this you create conflict – conflict that could have been avoided. Now your staff doesn’t trust you, they don’t believe you know your stuff, and they are resentful that you blamed them. The second option is to admit your mistake. Your staff won’t resent you and they will probably develop a greater trust toward you. They know that we all make mistakes so it is unlikely they will start to doubt your abilities, unless you make BIG mistakes a lot.

Try it and see if it works. Maybe try it at home before taking the plunge at the office. You might just find your personal relationships start to improve too. Good luck.

We connected in a way I never expected; we both have had children with major medical issues. Unfortunately, his child is on multiple medications and may have to be for the rest of his life. We discussed the challenges of being a parent, of being a small business owner, and relationships too.

I find that when I share my story – the infertility, the premature birth of my daughters, marital struggles, etc. that other people can often relate, even if it is not exactly the same issue, and they open up in a way you would never expect. However, you have to be cautious. Since I have known this person for so long I was comfortable telling him some of my life struggles — and the conversation lead us down this path when he asked me about my book Tiny Toes… In the end, he could relate and sent me some information that I am going to be able to share with women and couples who are not in my professional network, but in my personal network.

I left the meeting with a totally different perspective than the one I walked into the restaurant with. While I knew that we would have a lot to talk about since it had been such a long time since we had seen each other, I was pleasantly surprised that our lunch wasn’t all business. When you have something in common with someone, whether it is a life story or your favorite vacation spot, it makes referring business to each other so much easier.

So, why create a mastermind? It’s more than accountability and advice. There is a sense of something bigger when you have other like minded business owners gathering to help each other. You no longer feel like you are in your business all alone. You give and get advice on marketing strategies, personnel issues, administrative matters and more.

My group meets two times per month via conference call. It is convenient and each call is filled with action and motivation. One of the other women in my group worked with me to create our purpose. Here are a few of the key bullet points that describe our mastermind.

• Offer each other advice and support for the challenges presented
• Build relationships with each other so that we are comfortable providing leads or introducing members to possible business partners
• Offer third party objective insight on ways to reach our stated goals
• Hold each other accountable for taking action
• Offer a safe environment to express our business successes and concerns

Make a short list of a few business professionals that you respect. Contact them and ask if they would like to participate in a mastermind group with you. Your group should meet at least two times per month. A mastermind works just as well via conference call as in-person (and saves travel time too).

Bill hired me for a few projects and has been gracious at providing testimonials. Since our initial meeting Bill purchased a failing business, built it up to a multimillion dollar venture and then sold it. He has a few projects under his belt at the moment. I’ve asked Bill to be a panelist for my Business Planning Capstone at Keller Graduate School of Management and he has always stepped up to help.

When Bill called me a few weeks ago looking for assistance, I jumped at the chance to help him. I made an introduction for him at one organization I am associated with and he set the ball rolling. It appears that the referral is going to result in a win-win for both companies. We are in the process of setting up an introduction for Bill at another organization. This one will be a little tougher, but Bill is grateful for the opportunity to have a conversation anyway.

This is just one of the many examples of how networking works. I’ve been on both the receiving and giving side. Networking is a lot like volunteering, the more you are able to help others, the better you feel about yourself. It’s not about receiving the referrals, but about giving the referrals. Good things come back to those who give.